Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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