Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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