This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
