I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
