oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
