my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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