Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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