How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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