I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
