i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
