he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize