Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
