He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
