ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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