You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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