I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
