What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
