so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
