just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
