i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
zippers are such a cool invention
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
