I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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