Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
