we have officially lost it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
