I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
