I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize