over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
