i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
