I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
bring money and cleavage
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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