You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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