Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
