I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize