Nicole vs. Life
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
