If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
