I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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