Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
