Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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