After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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