Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Are we still banned from the library?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
