Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize