Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
