he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
