She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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