A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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