Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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