I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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