he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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