just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
