I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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