i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
