so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
