don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize