omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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