Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
