Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize