Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
