Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
