I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just had sex on a roof
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
