I murdered the dance floor call the cops
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
