i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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