pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
