I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
