Cold hands, warm shart.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you will always have a special place in my vag
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
