Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Its about making memories worth repressing
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
