I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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