I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize