new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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