You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
